Accept Kmart Jesus Now, Or Burn!

Ugh. Now, I'm not one to disrespect religion of any kind. I openly accept everyones beliefs-regardless of what they are. That being said, as some of you know-I am agnostic. Meaning, I believe in the possibility of a god. I also want to point out, that I am fucking tired of "religious propaganda". Don't tell me about how Jesus wants to save my soul or hand me a 12 page pamphlet about how I'm Satan's whore because I don't follow your beliefs. This also includes posting scriptures on your Facebooks. "Oh yes-Jesus totally cares about your statuses. I don't bash people for believing whatever they choose to believe-so don't fucking push this nonsense in my face. It's disrespectful and unfair bullshit. Now to the real story. About a year ago, I was visiting my grandma in Georgia and had decided to go to K-Mart to pick up a few things-when I ran into this black preacher telling me that I need to worship Jesus and how he doesn't want me dressing the way I do.

I was wearing jeans and a cardigan with a tank top underneath.
"Oh yes-I am such a tramp." -_-"

Wanting to punch this brain dead fuck in the face, I brought up that, if Jesus does exist, I'm sure he would care more about my life decisions rather than how I fucking dress. But, actually having a soul, I couldn't be a dick to this sucker. So i politely made my points, and said I was not interested in what HE thought about how I looked and that I would NOT be attending his fascist church. Asshole.

BAMF

I've always wanted to be a comic...everyone has...and if you say otherwise, you're a fucking liar. I mean how cool would that be?? Yeah I run around, I fight bad guys, and I fucking OWN them. I always pictured it being like Sin City. -god bless you, frank miller- Everything would be over dramatic, and black. white, and red for no damn reason. The men are overly muscular and always have SMGs on hand-complete with silencers, and the women are actually curvy and dressed like sluts....but its nothing out of the ordinary..its normal there. There would be blood trickling down the sewers in alley ways, and the city would be lavished with the sounds of sirens, and at the top of a 40 story building is this bad ass silhouette cast against the moonlight, crouching...waiting for his or her next prey. *sigh* ..damnit the real world suddenly bores me.....im putting kill bill in now.

Something To Make You Smile ll



*Explodes*



Bitch Fight

  Being a gal of many companions, but fewer friends, I admit that I do indeed get along better with boys than girls. Boys are relaxed, no drama, no BS. If there’s a problem, it gets dealt with then and there, and then all is well. With (most) girls, its backstabbing, gossip, rumors, and stupid shit that should’ve stopped in middle school. Now, regardless of your gender, which would YOU prefer?

  Now don’t get me wrong, not all girls are like this. I like the idea of doing our hair and primping and eating 10 lbs of Ben and jerry’s with my girls while watching the Rachel Zoo Project. But that’s only if I have found the girls to not be little backstabbing bitches. Otherwise, it’s all good.

  But what happens when TWO girls that aren’t fond of the female being, gain entry in the “guy group”? One would hope that they would mutually realize that, both being in the chill GUY group, the other isn’t a drama queen, so they end up getting along.

But no.

  This happened to me in all the worse ways. This girl and I ended up being in this situation: Both hate most girls, yet the other had tits…well…not so much her. This girl was fucking vicious…but she was so sly about it, that whenever I flipped out about it, I looked like the drama queen while she played it cool.

  She would judge my friends within 4 minutes of meeting them by masking an insult with a tiny compliment first. She constantly overcompensated for her nerdiness in high school by being all over guys constantly and flirting all the time. (You know...that type that gets way too excited and peppy when other boys are around and always finds a way to touch them to subtly flirt? Yeah…that kind.) She even tried to hit on my boyfriend by saying she was mad that he didn’t ask her out instead of me.  She constantly provoked me in ways that made her seem perfectly angelic, and I was miserable and fed up.Then one day, this bitch had the nerve to ask my FIANCE to MOVE IN WITH HER and her friend in an apartment. What. The. Fuck. Raging inside, yet having fallen to defeat, I nicely and politely confronted her and asked her to not do anything like that again, but in a more delicate, artfully posed way. And I got a mouthful back from her telling me that I was a stupid bitch that can’t let anything go and that I have boundary issues.

Ha.

Haha.

  First off bitch, I’m quite sure that if you were even capable of feeling the emotion, love, you wouldn’t respond too kindly to me trying to hit on your boyfriend, constantly going to him for solace, always wanting a damn hug from him,  and asking him to move in with me. Trust me “hun”, no girl would let that go. And it’s quite obvious that you’re the slut that has boundary issues. You fuck with me or my man, and I’ll fucking end you. But of course, I’ll feed you your own medicine, and do it in a light that makes you look awful.

  So of course I forwarded the texts to my fiancé, and that was the end of that. He promptly broke off that friendship and never heard from her since.

And by the way,

I know I’m a bitch hun.

It’s because I have to deal with shit-sniffers like you.

Something To Make You Smile

Who doesn't love down syndrome-esque heros?

                         Baman and Piderman Comic by Alex Butera and Lindsey Small

Cartoons Are Getting Really Stupid

  While I'm aware that every generation holds their TV shows on a mental pedestal and looks down on any series proceeding their childhood era, it seems like the kids shows on TV are getting stupider and stupider. Growing up in the 90's, I remember most of the shows I watched were actually cartoons that had a somewhat realistic plot. Where did this go? Why are there stupid pencil thin "undercover rock stars" dancing in the TV on Disney channel? Why are there hardly any cartoons anymore anyway?? It's all iCarly, and Hannah Montana, and Dude, What Would Happen, and the cartoons that do exist, often offer horribly unrealistic awkward plots like emus running loose and two idiot kids that think they're superheros or something.

  Spongebob is the perfect example of a funny innocent cartoon went horribly wrong. Once filled with plots of missing home, family, friends, and idols is now filled with excessive amounts of drooling, underwear, and and pointless jargon about moustaches, bubblegum and any other useless garbage.

  I don't know...maybe the last bit of the magic of "kid-dom" is just finally fading away, but by influencing these kids with awkward and stupid shows, this will just make them stupid and awkward adults. That's the generation that's going to have to take care of us when we're old; and frankly, I'm not going to rely on faith to hope that the "rock star undercover" persona is going to fade. I swear...if my kid comes waltzing in with a wig on and tacky clothes and stupid situations, I'm consulting Dr. Kevorkian.

No, It's Okay, Because I Didn't Cheat

 
With Valentine's Day just passing, I thought I would so graciously dedicate my first blog to the ever so golden topic of relationships. But to make things interesting, I'm going to address the contraversial topic of "almost cheating".  What I mean is, when one partner strays from the other in a dishonest direction towards another man or woman, and almost cheats on you with said man or woman, but stops before anything happens. Is this cheating? Some consider it not, some consider it so.
  I personally view this as cheating. True, no breasts were squeezed, no package was stroked, and no lips touched. But what was going on in your significant other's mind? The lust. The possible emotional attachment to another man or woman. This pisses me off endlessly. Yes, the fact that they stopped before any physical doings were done, but this only tells me that they have enough sense to say, oh wait this is wrong, im cheating. But then again, that should be a given, with you being in a relationship with them in the first damn place. Furthermore, this just shows that the straying partner is no longer phased by your rippling muscles, or sexy hourglass figure. This just proves that some people are just pigs rectums.

  "No, nothing happened dear."
  However intentions were obvious.

Now there are some of you poor souls that don't think this is cheating. "He/She didn't cheat on me because they stopped themselves from pissing on our relationship." Look, if that's what makes you feel better when you look in the mirror, then fine. But personally, I just take it as a sign that I am no longer "good enough" for my significant other, they want something different, and they will likely do it again in the future, this time not stopping.